Will it be depression or reflection?

I am at the point in my life where being an adult is not a choice but rather a requirement. Being an adult is more than becoming independent. It is more than just knowing how to handle your own problems, more than taking knowing how to take care of yourself. But being adult actually means being the dependable one, handling others’ problems, knowing how to take care of others, etc.

In the past, I had always thought becoming an adult was solely a concept of independence. I thought it centered around “self.” For example: living on your own, paying for your own bills, scheduling your own doctor visits, etc. However, for the past few months, I’ve realized that being an adult is rather the concept of being a responsible party for either your parents, younger siblings, friends, etc.

Today, the classic adjective word “adult” has been trending as a verb. I’ve heard this verb beingĀ in taglines such as “How to ‘adult'” or “‘Adulting’ for Dumbies.” Okay, so I made those up. But it is a trend, and it is picking up.

In all seriousness, I believe people my age (mid 20’s) have their lives pretty much figured out. Right? People my age have stable careers and/or are married or in a relationship. I have neither. I am 24, live with my parents, have no full-time job, have no boyfriend, have no direction in life.

For the past three months of living at home since graduating, I have been through, what do people call it, unemployment depression. I’ve had several job interviews, one job offer, no promises of a future career. I am at a point in my life where the questions “What are you doing with your life? Where are you going?” really terrify me. These questions keep me up at night and make me cry pity tears often.

I won’t deny that depression has gotten the best of me. I lie in my bed many times a day because I tell myself, “Why get up?” As many days and months have gone by since I’d felt like my life had a purpose and that I was going somewhere, I am now tired and exhausted of feeling sorry for myself. I believe rather than sulking in my unfortunate life-after-college, I will take this time to be patient.

Perhaps I’ve tried to rush into finding a career, when in all honesty, I don’t even know what I want to do. Sure, I have this ideal job in my head, but it’ll take time. Perhaps this is a season in my life where I ought to reflect on my life, wisely, before jumping to current of the real world.

I don’t want to slap a Bible verse onto this thought like it’s okay, but, really, it’ll be okay.

Philippians 4:6

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